Boringest entry ever...

So I'm literally a broke ass college student.   S T ruggling to make rent here for May.  Despite this I am still able to make poor poor choices where my check book is concerned.  Danelle and I bought roller blades this weekend.  I'm over the fact that I didn't have the money for them.  I just want you to know that I haven't roller bladed since oh about elementary school.  Our little outing today really went quite well...until the end.  We took it real slow and didn't try to be fancy.  We were feeling pretty good about it until we got back to the parking lot in our apt complex.  The ground is really bumpy with gravel and pot holes.  Because of this I decide it would be much better to go on the sidewalk in front of our buildings.  This was a great idea(extreme sarcasm)  I never noticed that there is an incline the whole way down into our apt complex.  So I am literally flying past buildings and cars and over leftover salt flailing my arms going "oh shit oh shit oh shit."  Finally my building was coming up.  It's the second to last building and after the last building the sidewalk ends.  I knew I had to stop so I tried to use my bake and eventually just flung myself against the brick stones in front of my building to stop.  Finally I turned around and waved my arms at Danelle and told her to get off the sidewalk.  She apparently didn't hear me because before I know it she takes off.  She is wailing the whole way and flailing her arms as well.  She decided to stop by just slamming into me.  We then sat on the wall laughing/crying at our near death experience on blades.  Apparently Danelle  thought I said to just move over to the other side of the sidewalk.  I wish we had it on tape.

Anyway that's probably the most exciting thing that's happened around here lately.  I am completely bogged down with school.  By the end of finals week I will have taken 47 tests this semester.  PUKE.  The next 8 days of my will be devoted to Pharmacology.  We have a test this Friday and then a cumulative final right away on Monday.  Puke puke PUKE!

Ok Peace, I'm gonna go enjoy my last night of freedom before Hell week begins.

11 days and I will be donzo!!!

I like Me.

After doing an activity yesterday in one of my classes I've come to realize that I really like me above everything else.  Well, maybe not" like me" so much but I realized that I take good care of me.  One of the messages throughout the semester has been to "take care of yourself."  You can't take care of other people if you aren't taking care of yourself.  We need to be "filling our buckets" with stuff that replenishes us and makes us a stable and focused person when life or our jobs are too stressed and chaotic.  This book called "The Book of Questions" by Gregory Stock is what made me realize the fact that I take good care of me.  The book is full of extremely thought provoking questions.  Some are ridiculous and make for a good laugh,  but others are very real and provide great ethical dilemmas.  One questions we did in class was something like this: "If you were in a relationship with someone and they said they'd commit suicide if you didn't marry them, but you knew you would never be happy being with them would you marry them or not?"  

Umm I had no problem saying no I would not marry them.  I don't mean to make my answer sound that easy because it certainly would not.  From either decision you will experience a depressing life.  Each one would cause a certain amount of pain.  But, ultimately which one do you feel you have the most success overcoming and moving on from?  If you married them your life would be a depression.  You'd be filled with so much anger and resentment and you would never be happy.  If you didn't marry him you'd have the horrifying experience dealing with their suicide, guilt that it was your fault.  Either choice brings up feelings of guilt, anger, and depression.  But what one could you heal from?  What one would take care of you?  Saying no.  If they committed suicide because you did not mary them that is their messed up problem not yours.  No matter how guilty I felt I don't think I could ever truly think, "this was my fault" and each day that feeling of guilt would decrease until it became a seriously tragic event that happened in my life but not necessarily too me and certainly not because of me.   It is not selfish to act on your feelings if keeping them inside damages you.  A person cannot help what they feel.  No one can ever look down on you or make you feel inferior because of your feelings.  Keeping yourself complete inside comes before completing the insides of others.  I am not however, saying you can't be selfish with your feelings.

So, from this, I decided that I take good care of me because I will absolutely not live my life with any lingering feelings of hurt, guilt, jealousy, depression, anger, or resentment from any person.  I will confront them head on and do what needs to be done to keep me whole.