20 hours later

So I finished reading Atonement last night.  It was good.  All I want to do is wallow in the melancholy that comes when finishing a good book.  It usually takes me a couple of days to recover from a good book.  I just want to be back in that story.  I want it to go on forever! However, I know that that's not possible.  Mostly I think I get this way when it is a more thought provoking read.  Or if I'm honest with myself a less than happily ever after ending.  These kind of stories have the power to change how you think.  You don't read something like this and then forget about right away.  It's kind of haunting.  I am mopey and can't stop thinking about how it ended and how it's not quite satisfactory, confusing, and even disappointing...BUT it was so good at the same time and seems to fit.  All I know is that I need to see this film NOW!  I keep watching the trailers and get chills every time.  I read somewhere that it has a wide release on Jan. 4th.  Hopefully that is true and it will come to Sioux Falls.  

I AM a material girl...sometimes.

I like purses a lot. If I were filthy rich, purses would be all I would buy. Well, that will never happen. I'm averaging about two a year and that's not good. I usually like to keep them under $100. I don't even look at Coach purses. I believe many decent and stylish purses can be found for under $400. I never could be bothered with purses. My mom had a thing for buying purses. Anyway, sophomore year something hit and I had on overwhelming urge to buy myself  a "big girl purse." I managed to wait until winter break when I bit the bullet and bought a classy Fossil purse for $98. The effect was thrilling. I loved my new purse to death! Then summertime came and I realized I "needed" a summer purse. You can imagine how this trend continued on...I "need" one for fall and spring as well. And I need the standard solid black purse that every woman must own. AND I need a flashy borderline gaudy one. So, I am contemplating which purse to buy and I've narrowed it down to one style but I can't decide on the color. These are my flashy choices...perhaps they aren't that flashy but if you knew me then you'd think they were flashy...I think.  Hhhmm I just don't know which one to pick.

already it's retarded

yeah so the pics are on the right...my bad.

Rewind

I'm just gonna back up here and explain a little about this blog.

Nothing too serious will be written in here. This is my place to be carefree and write about seemingly unimportant life matters. Some stuff may be stupid. I just want a place where I can put my ridiculous ideas and share them with you and if anything provide myself and you with some entertainment.

I like pina coladas. That drink represents carefree-ness. I want to live my life like the "Pina Colada song" I want to get caught in the rain.

The pics on the left are all pics that strike something within me. Some are shallow and vain yes but nonetheless they hit me. They will evolve don't you worry : )

First xmas without Mom this year...strange but I'll make it.

Wrap it up: this blog is just gonna be a jumble of stuff from the frivolous to the almost pretty serious.

Take care now and have a merry and blessed holiday!

tarynleigh

Life Plan

Sometimes at work, when it is really slow, I like to anticipate how the rest of my life will/should turn out in terms of my career and family life.

I think of a guy, he's not always real, and when we start to date. I imagine all the magnificent dates we go on. It's not always roses, I imagine our arguments and possible hiccups along the way. Eventually we reach an engagement and a wedding. The kids follow and I even go so far as to figure out the best time for them to be born. I meticulously plan so that I have all three by the time I'm 30. Two boys then a girl. Easton, Kellen, and Delaney. We live in a Mckennan parkish style house but not in Sioux Falls, we live in Loveland Colorado. I have a flexible part time job as an RN in a women's health clinic. Mitch teaches phy ed and health during the school year and does construction in the fall. We are not wealthy but slightly above average. Easton is a brain and athlete (hockey of course). He looks like his father but has my eyes. He's quiet most of the time until you crack his shell. Kellen is not as smart as Easton but he is a hockey stud and will probably go on to play for the Mavericks in college. He was also good at baseball. Kellen is the clown and often doesn't know when to shut it. He's a mix between his parents. Delaney is quick witted and intelligent. She inherited her mothers love for reading. She devours books and had the Harry Potter series read by the time she finished 3rd grade. She also dabbled in the marching band but she took her mother's advice and did not play the flute. She's a good athlete and held her own as a competitive swimmer...

That's as far as I got today...

Now, I am really not a crazy person. I realize it is kind of ridiculous that I can sit there and think this all out. I in no way expect my life to turn out this perfect. I just think it is fun to consider all the possibilities. And it will be hilarious to see how it really turns out. It is interesting to see how your life changes from year to year (I only do this once a year...when I work at the WC) Last year I think I had 4 or 5 kids and was a stay at home mom. There is no way that that interests me now. Also, I think I wanted to have all my kids by the time I was 27. That's ridiculous. I've become more anti-children lately. Not anti-children but I'm in no hurry what so ever to have them. When they come they come but I am gonna make sure I have plenty of time for just me and my husband first. I mean I know it sounds kind of selfish but I would like to use my generous RN's salary for myself for awhile before it all goes to diapers and baby food.

I read a book once where a woman had a life plan. She had a time table for everything: career, marriage, kids, promotion. She had everything pinpointed for when it should happen by. Well, obviously her life didn't go according to plan and she went crazy and headed down to Buenos Aries. Anyway, I realize that making a plan for how you want your life to go will only set you up for disappointment. It's ok to have an idea of where you are headed but you shouldn't have a freakin GPS telling you every turn and stop. I just make a plan or a fantasy to see how far off or how close to the mark I actually fall.

I am so excited to start the nursing program in the fall. It's a next step in my plan. I've been headed in this direction for awhile but now I've finally reached and ultimately have to take it. (it's a little late to change my major and believe me I've thought about it). It's the next step to where my life is headed and I think I'm ready.

Waiting.

Waiting...possibly the worst feeling in the entire world. We wait for so many things in our lives. I feel as though I am in a perpetual state of waitingness.

I am waiting for my life to begin, waiting to really start living. I think I will feel this way forever. It feels like I am climbing this insanely long ladder and I am so tired. I think I am trying to climb it so fast that I am wearing myself out. I predict that as I get older a sort of reversal will take place and I will no longer want to keep climbing up the ladder but rather try to go back down. I'm just waiting for a feeling of contentment with where I am at in life.

I'm waiting for my best friend. You know, the one who knows exactly what you need when you don't even know what it is you need. The one who you can just talk to you about anything and they get you. I need this person now more than ever.

W a i t i n g...

I am waiting for God to take away the one person I live for and this wait is the most painful. It's the kind of pain that penetrates the soul.

I am waiting for the day when I feel absolutely at peace and truly happy with myself, my life, and God. This may be wishful thinking and I'll probably be waiting until I die but I think a day close to this exists somewhere on earth.

I am waiting to be inspired. I can't remember the last time I truly felt excited about something.

When. will. Life. let. me. catch. Up. Each year I get older but I feel so far behind.

Waiting is agony.

I don't mean to sound thoroughly depressing because I am not depressed. Just very melancholy. You may not view that as better but I am actually quite "good" considering the circumstances. I appreciate sympathy but I've realized that I don't want it quite yet...it's not time. It is hard and I am fully aware of where the road is headed but we are not there yet so I don't care for certain kinds of sympathy.

I gotta get my laughs from somewhere

Do you believe in "checking people out"? I think it's a dumb saying. People look at each other all the time. It doesn't mean anything unless they actually come up and talk to you. So what I'm trying to say is that I don't really think it is necessary to feel embarassed if you get "caught" checking someone out because EVERYONE does it.

I am so excited for next school year! A new place, with friendly faces, and a perfect schedule for the college junior. No classes on Friday AGAIN! Only one more semester before I'm in the nursing program so I'm gonna try and 'live it up' next semester.

Mark the date in your calendars...Friday May 23, 2008. 21st Birthday Party. I will be inviting you.

People who participate in triathlons are crazy!! Crazy in an awe inspiring way. I don't know how they do it! I participated in one today as part of a team. I was the swimmer. I have no idea how one person swims, bikes, and runs...crazy!

I've recently become obsessed with Yankee Candle's at want to buy every candle.

Saw Spiderman 3 the other night. I liked it enough. Last night I watched Little Children and found it quite good even though it was strange. I absolutely loved the narration!

I am reading all the Harry Potters in preparation for the seventh book. I have found some disturbing little references that have me persuaded that Snape is bad. And, in the fourth book there's that bit about how "a flicker of triumph flashed in Dumbledores eyes." (or something like that) as Harry told him about Lord Voldemort being back...what the heck does that mean?

I feel stuck in a music rut...I'm waiting for that one song or artist that will come along and change my life forever...or at least until the next one comes along. Haha, I don't know if anyone can relate to that but it's how I feel.

I successfully spent Friday-Now doing absolutely nothing. My finals don't begin until Wednesday morning. I'm outta here at 5pm. on Friday and I can't wait!!!

"Loving someone is setting them free, letting them go."
Kate Winslet.

TarynLeigh