1...2...buckle my shoe!

 So as of lately my summer job has involved more and more hours devoted to the nursery at the wellness center.  I hardly mind at all.  I get my kid fix this way.  This past year at school I have vehemently told myself in my mind that I am definitely not even going to think about having kids for a long long time.  It's so strange how one can suddenly change their minds.  All last year I was for the most part enjoying just being a college student, basking in the glory of 12 credits and being able to party on the weekends.  Now, however, it seems all I want to do is sort of push those days behind and forge ahead to the next chapter.  The chapter where I am finally done with school.  The chapter where I finally become truly dependent.  Working in the nursery really stirs up my maternal instinct.  Sometimes all I can think is that this is all I want to do.  I just want to be a wife and mother.  I would love love love to be able to just work part-time when I get married and have kids.  It takes a lot to raise a family and take care of a home.  I want to be able to devote a lot of time and energy to that.  But at the same time I want and know I need a career.

I think this nesting feeling comes from the atmosphere I am in.  I literally feel like a chameleon.  I sort of mold to the situation I am in or the people I am around.  If I were to be back at school now living the college life I'm sure I'd throw these thoughts of marriage and babies right out the window.  I am forever talking about not feeling completely content with any stage of my life.  It seems I am forever waiting for the next part.  I just want it to stop for once in my life.  For once I want to feel completely content in chapter 36 or whatever of my life, all I can do is wait and it is pure agony at times.

My life goals are as simple as, graduate, get a job as an RN, get married, and have kids.  That's it. I honestly believe until those three things happen I won't be completely and fully content with my life.  I am working towards these goals, well, the first one anyway. 5 years of college is a long time.  I think it'll be hard going back for one more when I know most everyone of my friends will be done...oh well.

I realize that no one's life can be perfectly content all the time.  All I ask for is one stretch where I am completely satisfied in all areas of my life.  It's actually a lot to ask for but I believe such a time exists for all of us.  I'm not asking for perfect, just content, peaceful even.

I don't mean for this all to sound bitter and "I hate my life right now" type thing but even when I'm almost content with my life these feelings still linger in the back of mind.  I think I'm just bored right now and it's so easy to think of these things when you are bored.

All I really wanted to say was I enjoy working in the nursery these days.